A man called me from a baseball game today and gave me some wise words...words that would make me re-examine my life.  Words that would make me see the world for the first time.  This man, whose identity will not be disclosed at this time, was watching the Rochester Honkers battle the Brainerd Blue Thunder in Northwoods Leauge action Saturday night.  Rochester, one of the South Division's top teams, figured to handle Brainerd without much trouble, as the Blue Thunder were bottom feeders in the North Division.  Rochester's hometown faithful were in for quite the shock when Brainerd scored six runs in the away half of the sixth to take a three-run lead into the later stages of the contest.  This just goes to show you how important middle relief is in all levels of baseball.  Wait, I think I forgot what I was talking about.

Oh yeah, wise words...This man, whose name I will still not reveal, but I will say it rhymes with Feein Manderson, in his infinite wisdom, said these choice words:  "Here's an idea, update your fuckin' blog."  Brilliant.  You are a blinding, brilliant light from heaven.  Those words were like looking into the face of God and seeing him smiling back, saying "you are my most wondrous creation."  I am born anew in your genius.  My good man, I am not alone in thinking that you make Ghandi look like a child pornographer.  When you hear words like those, you tend to take them to heart.  John McLellan tells me daily to update my blog, and I don't do it just to spite him.  That irritating son of a bitch.

So here's my update.  I work all the time, it seems.  I travel constantly and I love it.  It sure beats the hell out of working for a stonemasonry company in the 115 degree heat, waking up at 2:15 in the morning to go and try communicating with 20 cue balls.  I call them cue balls because the harder you hit them the more english you get out of them.  Seriously, though, I rarely hit them.  Rarely is a relative term.  Like if I only took a breath once every 30 minutes, I would say I rarely breathed.  I digress. 

I am in the flood insurance business now as an account manager/marketing rep.  I just travel around to insurance companies and insurance agencies in the west on behalf of my company, their vendor.  I'm their first point of contact with my company, so I report back to the departments to which their particular concerns apply.  Basically I just travel around and make sure people are happy.  It's a good fit for me.

For right now, that is all I do.  I have very little social life anymore, but that's mostly because most of my friends leave Arizona during the summer to escape the oppressive heat.  It's hot, and it's uncomfortable, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.  It's all in your head, I guess.  I will be spending next week here in Phoenix, which is my first week at home since April.  I have a lot of work to do, but luckily Levi will be here and I won't get any of it done.  Actually, it should be good since we both have so much to do next week.  Expect full reports of the carnage and debauchery.  On Levi's blog. 

Well, as usual, I'd love to hear from everyone.  Call me sometime.  Don't visit, you might not survive the heat.  Come see me in October when I realize again why I put up with the heat for four months of the year.

We're damn close to a little reunion in Bozeman.  In about 60 hours, I will be making my grand entrance into a town that may not be ready for me.  The city of Bozeman needs to be prepared for debauchery the likes of which it's never seen before--at least not from me.  Be prepared, Bozeman, for me to drink two, maybe three beers in my triumphant return.  Be prepared for me to be in bed by 11 and awake by 6.  Be prepared for me to drive into town at exactly the speed limit in my rental SUV.  Yes, I play the game a little differently than I used to and I want to warn you all so it doesn't come as too big of a surprise.  Even with all my settling down, however, I could revert back to the good ol' days--if only for just a weekend--with a mere suggestion of the fun we used to have.

I've been in the Flathead Valley now for about nine days and I'm seeing the sun today for the very first time.  It really is pretty here, but I've never seen whiter people in my life.  Everybody I've seen this morning was squinting as if their mom turned on the light, senselessly waking them from the deep slumber wherein they dreamt about kicking home run after home run in the playground kickball playoffs.  The residents of this valley seem annoyed by natural light and terrified by the prospect of spending the next couple of months with excessive exposure to said light. 

The job is great though.  I'm learning a lot and doing so much faster than management had anticipated.  Talk about low expectations...  They'll be sending me on the road (under another marketing rep) a month earlier than previously scheduled.  I may even spend next week in Florida on a last-minute training excursion.

I'll have to write more sometime when I'm not at work.  Come see me this weekend.  If you don't know how to get in touch with me, get in touch with Levi.  He should have a pretty good idea where I'll be all weekend--in bed with him.

After bragging about the weather here for the past six months, I'm suddenly made aware of why everybody in the world doesn't live in the Phoenix area.  One local weather report showed the temperature here today at 101 degrees.  Above zero.  That's hot for April 6th, but surprisingly tolerable.  Luckily my occupation requires me to perform manual labor, which makes people pass out and subsequently die from heat exhaustion.  So I've got that going for me.

Which leads me to my next point.  As of two weeks from now, I will no longer be employed by Clone Stone Manufacturing.  Pretty excited about that, you can bet your ass.  I finally had enough and decided to look for other employment.  I was approached by a family friend about becoming a marketing rep for National Flood Services--a flood insurance company.  It's not a sales position, which was not what I wanted, especially in the insurance business.  I'll be staying in the Phoenix area, but traveling a lot out of here.  I start on May 2nd, with training in Kalispell, MT, of all places.  I'll be spending 2 months there, with quite a few of my weekends in Bozeman, I'm quite certain.

So that's just about all that's going on in my life.  I was out of contact for a little while because I was slightly distracted by a lady, but like all the others, I got tired of her in a matter of weeks.  I must say, however, that there is still no shortage of beautiful women in this area, and with the hot weather, they like wearing nearly nothing.  Very excited about that, you can bet your ass again.  Plenty of options, even for a guy like me. 

Well, I'm looking forward to seeing all of you soon.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll even write another blog before I leave.

Yes, I know, I just posted a blog two weeks ago, but at Megan's request, here's another.  I really have nothing to write about, I just wanted to show that Mexican fucker--er, Latin Lover--that the incessant, pointless comments he posts on my blog accomplish nothing but fuel my belief that he needs to get a life.

We're all a little less enthusiastic about blogging these days.  Why is that?  Are our lives that much less interesting than they were back in April?  My theory is that we, as a group, are subconsciously limiting ourselves to a set number of blogs in any given week, and this number has remained unchanged since the day we started this stuff.  How is this possible, given the fact that most of us update about once or twice a month?  Two words: Lindsey James.  JJ, you have faithfully updated, on average, 184 times a week for the past 8 months.  And I think each one of us loves it, because we get online to check our friends' blogs and updates are few and far between, then we check yours and have reading material for hours.  Granted, I have no idea what any of your posts mean, but it's something to do to pass the time.  Thank you.

I thought many of you may have been interested to have a little peek into my professional life.  Who am I kidding? There's nothing professional about it, but I digress.  On Saturday, I was working in Prescott, a small town about an hour and a half from Phoenix, with two of my non-english-speaking employees, Juan Carlos and Jorge.  Since neither of them can legally drive, or obtain a driver's license, or even live in this country, they rode with me in my truck to Prescott.  As is customary for working on a Saturday, when the job ended, I bought them a meal.  They wanted to go to Taco Bell and have some tacos.  I bought 16 tacos for the two of them, and they still wanted more.  We left town, and Murphy's law somehow found me on a day where everything else had gone reasonably well.  About 20 miles outside of Phoenix, traffic grinded to a halt.  In 90 minutes, we travelled 2.5 miles.  As we finally got back into town, the loop around town was limited to one westbound lane due to construction, so we had more sitting around.  A trip that only took an hour and 20 minutes early that same morning, took a grueling four hours on the way back.  Sure, it was the end of a long day and I just wanted to get home, but the worst part was being stuck in the truck with my friends from south of the border.  Luckily, we had the spanish radio station cranked up to pass the time, and they were singing and whistling.  Trust me, that's really not that irritating.  And remember those tacos?  Trust me, Juan and Jorge gave me stinky reminders about those every couple of minutes.  Good thing it was raining so I couldn't roll down any windows.

Judging by that last story, you might think I'm miserable here.  I actually love it here more and more all the time.  The job sucks, although not as bad as it did a month ago.  Meegs, that one was for you--glad to know somebody besides John is reading my blog.

But not like that, you sick bastards.  It's time for what has become my monthly blog entry. 

Not really anything new happening here, although I do seem to enjoy the Phoenix area more and more all the time.  I tend to get visitors to the area periodically, so that's nice.  It's really a pretty easy place to visit, with America West Airlines making non-stop trips from Billings and Kalispell to Phoenix for under $300.  I just had a visit with Bung and his lovely wife Lindsey (even though they weren't visiting me) on Sunday night.  Always a pleasure to see those two and Bung's lovely brother, Troy, as well as their lovely parents Art and Ann.

My own parents just left this morning, and we had a great time being tourists, which is something I never really have done here.  I cleaned the apartment as clean as I knew how, then my mom entered, proclaiming that I needed a maid.  Typical.

Congrats to Ian. 

I think we might see a little hockey this season.  I've always been a little too optimistic about everything.  I'm a little like Keehr and Kitto that way--the brothers optimistic.  Those are a couple of cheerful guys.  But seriously, It looked like the NHL owners surprised everybody with an 11th hour offer, so we'll see if the players association bites.  If they don't, they bite.  Seriously, this is bullshit.  Athletes and owners are bitching about how much money they make compared to the other, and ticket prices have gone up on average over 1200% in the last 30 years.  Trust me, that's more than inflation in that same amount of time.  Fans are grabbing their ankles and (happily) taking it in the posterior and we're not even getting a free jar of vaseline for our troubles.  Amid all this fighting between the players and owners, fans have overlooked the fact that both parties involved in the discussions are making us look like retards.  And it's ridiculous that athletes are getting paid so much, but what's even more ridiculous is the amount actors make.  And there are a lot of no-talents making a lot more than the world's most talented athletes, but maybe you shouldn't get me going.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well, and, as always, would love to hear from all of you.

Okay, so last night I wrote this long blog entry (first one in a month) and now it's gone.  If this happens again I'm going to want my money back.  Er, wait...nevermind.  I'll try to recreate last night's masterpiece, but it's just not going to be as long.

First of all, I hope everybody had a nice Christmas and New Year, and Levi, I know you enjoyed Martin Luther King's birthday with the rest of your people.  I celebrated Kwanzaa with my family and a whole host of other white people by watching Blazing Saddles and eating a huge meal, consisting mostly of pork products.  I was lucky enough to visit Montana for a week or so, celebrate the holidays, and be a part of Cale and Katie Marthens' wedding in Red Lodge.  I made it to Bozeman on my way through both directions.  If I didn't see you, I didn't want to.  That's not entirely true, but damn close.

Go Coons.  Off to round three where they will play the Vikings...wait, they suck.  But not nearly as bad as the Broncos.  Fag.  How did the Vikings make it as far as they did?  I guess the beginning of the season carried them, but Mike Tice has to figure out a way to make his team play well all season.  Keehr has gotten me to like the Queens a little bit, but that team drives me nuts.

Rumor has it Montana is a little chilly this time of year.  I won't talk about the weather here in AZ, but let me just say I'm headed to the store when I finish writing this to buy sunscreen and Corona.

I got up to Vegas last weekend to spend some quality time indoors, drinking lots of free Canadian Club and waters, watching football, eating at the shittiest buffet in town, and inhaling lots of second-hand smoke.  I did visit my new favorite bar of all time, however.  I don't even remember the name, for some strange reason, but it was on the top floor of Mandalay Bay.  You could see for miles down the strip and beyond in both directions, and there was actually a patio where you could sit on these huge benches that were basically couches.  Oddly enough, the employees of this club were quite attractive women who were paid to be nice to guys like me.  Of course, the $25 cover is somewhat of a deterrent for returning, but the experience was nice.  I met Charles Barkley in the MGM Grand and actually hung out with him for a few minutes.  I think he thought he new me, because I called him Chuck and he shook my hand and said "War Eagle".  He's a big man, and he was shitfaced.  I know those two things make him John's type, but John wasn't there, was he?  So anyway, Chuck had lots of chicks following him and I couldn't even peel one of them off.

Okay, it's 80 degrees outside and I'm writing my blog.  This has got to stop.  If you want to know more, call me.  I'll be drinking Coronas on my patio.  Oh wait, I wasn't going to talk about the weather.  Sorry

I doubt anybody's noticed besides Chen and John yet, but they've had quite the spirited, uh, discussion on the comment page of my November 27th post.  The funny part is, none of this is specifically directed toward each other, so my interpretation is that there is no ill will intended.  Am I right gentlemen?  Of course I'm not.

Basically, Chen wants Roger to fill a noose--a spot typically inhabited by Canadians, if you know what I mean--and Roger's rebuttal is, in short, love Earth, hate Chen.

What better arena than my blog to cultivate hatred between two people who were once friends?  Our current leader?  Hands down, Chen.  Sorry John, but he got personal, and frankly, it was effin' hilarious.  For instance, you do wear dirty old wife beaters (you know damn well that even when they're clean, they're damned dirty) and grow things in your garden.  And it's quite obvious that Chen never had sex with a six-month-old elk carcass and Jennifer Lopez, but even if it was true, it'd be pretty cool, because J-Lo is hot enough to more than make up for whatever gross things happened with the elk carcass.

I think Chen is experiencing some regret about taking Levi's advice and lightening up on John a couple of months ago.  I know I am.  So here he comes trying to get back into a little groove, and, quite frankly, doing very well.  I encourage you, John, to start swinging and making a little contact below the belt.  Let's quit pretending like this is all just in fun and we actually like each other.

On a lighter note, I'm sure many of you keep re-visiting my blog to see what's on my Christmas List so you can finally finish your shopping.  All I want is a van.  And maybe some sweet and sour chicken, but that's a much lower priority.  I mean really, wouldn't I be a whole lot cooler when, as everybody was preparing to head out somewhere, I just casually pointed and said "everybody get in the van.....(sniff)"?  And I don't really care what kind of van it is, either.  It could be a minivan or a moving van, although after doing the moving van thing back from Seattle a couple of years  ago, it's not really at the top of my wish list, but beggars can't be choosers.  I really prefer the old Dodge Prospector.  Aw, pickleshoes, I always wanted to be an old prospector.  So let me know when you have that van taken care of so we can figure out our shipping options.

I have to get back out to the patio now, because the Corona just tastes a little bit better when you're sitting in the sun.

Hello from the Valley of the Sun.  I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving and is planning their trips to come visit me here in Phoenix.  It's about 75 degrees right now, but I can't help but miss a little cooler weather for this holiday weekend.  Not that I'm complaining, however, because 75 is just about perfect--holiday or not. 

It was time to give the ol' blog a facelift, partly due to the fact that several people thought the old picture at the top of my blog (the guy dragging the hose) was me.  That was not me.  The new picture is me.  My friends call me Moe, and that is an expensive SHIRT.

I just spent the past few days in Prescott, AZ with some friends of mine who have a very nice home on a very big ranch that was fun to see.  They have two baby girls, and, turns out, I'm going to be one hell of a great dad.  I have no reason to say that other than the fact that I like kids.  They generally tend to hate me, but all that matters is what I think, right?

For the most part, work still sucks, however I am learning to live with it for the paycheck.  I'm not quitting this job any time soon, so don't expect to see me moving back to MT very soon either.  I do love it here, and even if I didn't I'd make myself stay for a while just to give it a fair shot. 

Really not a lot of news here, but I'd love to hear that someone's life is more interesting than mine.

Okay, I'm back and you'll be hearing a lot from me from here on out.  I finally got a computer and internet service today.  Next step, x-box live.

Where to begin with the updates?  My job kind of sucks, but it's to be expected.  I'm still in the training phase, but I'm taking on more responsibilities all the time.  Many of the people who work for me are hispanic, and all I can say is, thank God for racial inequality.  I mean they're great people, but they didn't quite get on the fast track like I did.  One guy asked me how much I made, so I lied.  I had a hunch I made more than him and he'd been there four years longer than me.  Turns out I make a lot more, and trust me, it's still not much.  I guess there's a lot to be said for having a college degree...oh, and being a legal resident, and speaking english.

I haven't had an intellectually-stimulating conversation in weeks unless it's been on the phone with someone from out of town, and if you know me, you know I don't need a whole lot of mental stimulation to stay occupied.  I don't mind making a public record of everything I'm saying about my co-workers because I'm confident that I'm the only one who knows how to read in my company, let alone use a computer.

Life in Phoenix is great though.  I have several old Montana friends here in the area, and found out that I know a few other people  who live here after attending a Cat-Griz satellite party on Saturday.

Well, I have to get up at four in the morning, so I'm off to bed.  I'll write more later.

Well, hello to anyone who's interested.  I've been here in Phoenix for two weeks and all is well so far.  It was 85 degrees today, and I went down to Tempe to watch ASU play Stanford (and lose) then go to the bars afterward.  It was fun, but I got a little too drunk and was asked to leave one bar.  Not exactly Montana here, as I was barely showing signs of intoxication.

My job is good, but it's very hard right now.  I'm trying to learn all parts of the business, so I've become a stone mason for a while.  It sucks, but it's what I have to do.

If you don't already know it, my new phone number is 623-810-8368.  Call me soon, and often.  I'd love to hear from all of you.

I'm at a friend's house using his computer, so I don't have much time.  Call me if you want an update, and I hope I'll be able to write more soon.  Hope everybody's doing well.